Bolt Thrower

Ok kids, it's Bolt Thrower today - British old-school death metal.  Of interest to those of you who are ladies (and those of you who are not), Bolt Thrower has had Jo Bench representin' on bass since it started in 1986; to me, this shows that there have always been bands that aren't skeptical/excited to see a woman bass player show up to audition, but rather relieved to have the vital bass position filled with a competent player when they hear one.  And if, somehow, even this comment is sexist, then I just don't know what to do.  On an unrelated note, a bolt thrower is a type of medieval siege engine, and every Bolt Thrower song is about Warhammer.  If you don't know what that is, it means you're not a gaming nerd; I assure you, this will have no effect on your enjoyment of the band.  If you do know what Warhammer is, that does NOT mean there is something wrong with you; on the contrary: it means you have found your tribe.  CRANK IT!

Flashback - Apartment 26

It's that time again, kids: FLASHBACK!  If you missed Biff Butler's jazz-metal outfit (no, really - it's both jazz and metal) Apartment 26, you missed a thing.  Before you say anything about the video, yes they look like whatever the British version of a douche is (a wanker?); it matters not.  Get the duct tape out, fix up the stuff in the room that you broke last time, and CRANK IT!

The Absence

Alright kids, I'm kinda on a melodic death metal kick lately, so that means you're on it with me; try it - all yer friends are doin' it!  It's The Absence today, an absolutely KILLER band out of Tampa, Florida, and my new favorite thing - CRANK IT!

P.S.:  There's so much guitar footage in this video, you can almost learn to play the whole song - SWEET!

BONUS!

At the request of one of my fourteen or so readers, I have agonized and compiled a list of the ten best heavy metal albums OF ALL TIME.  Now, before you look at the list, please allow me to make some things clear: a) these are in NO PARTICULAR ORDER - I couldn't do that to any of 'em, and my choosing criteria are mine alone to know; b) I know that most if not all of you will immediately be incensed that I have left out one or two (or ten) albums you feel deserve to be on here - it was hard enough just whittling my list down to ten - that equates to a prime reason for you to comment on the post - leave me some comments, you lazy humps; c) I did try to have an eleventh selection so I could make a "These go to 11" crack, but my number eleven just didn't belong on here; d) as with all such things, tomorrow I'll smack my forehead with my palm when I think of the one album I completely forgot that just HAS to be on here - that's just motivation to do a sequel; and e) the most important thing about this list is, if you aren't familiar with one of these bands or albums, go listen to it - it is awesome or it wouldn't be on here.  And now <kick drum roll> . . . . THE TEN GREATEST HEAVY METAL ALBUMS OF ALL TIME!

-Anthrax              "Sound Of White Noise"
-Faith No More     "The Real Thing"
-Megadeth           "Countdown To Extinction"
-Sybreed             "Slave Design"
-Fight                  "War Of Words"
-Gojira                 "L'Enfant Sauvage"
-Samael              "Ceremony Of Opposites"
-Himsa                "Summon In Thunder"
-Sylosis               "Edge Of the Earth"
-Byzantine           "Byzantine"

Thanks to Sean for the request - keep 'em comin' - comments make the blog better for everyone.

Parasite Inc.

Put your diapers on, kids - you're about to crap your pants!  Parasite Inc is everything I love in modern heavy metal: they're fast while they're heavy, they're simultaneously technical and groove-heavy, their lyrics are fatalistic at the same time their music is exhilarating, and as if that wasn't enough, they're GERMAN!  But don't take my word for it - it's "The Pulse of the Dead" - CRANK IT!

Carcass

So, there once was a British death metal band called Carcass that, after ten-ish years of slogging it out, made the best career decision of its life when it hired guitarist Michael Amott (whom you may know would later leave to co-found Arch Enemy.) Amott would help Carcass find its musical footing in a hybrid style that we now call melodic death metal. Essentially, this means that, while the singer is still performing death metal, everybody else is playing music you actually want to listen to, like thrash or classic metal. Even though Amott moved on to help establish the Gothenburg style in Sweden, Carcass never looked back. Sort of. They were inactive for 17 years, but then: Surgical Steel! It's Carcass - CRANK IT!